My million dollar idea...

I think it’s safe to say it takes 20-30 seconds to skip through a 2 or 3 minute commercial break…

What if the network was able to convey this information to tivo – that is, tivo knows this commercial break is 2 minutes long, so when you push the skip button just once, it breaks in with a pre-stored 30 second advertisement tailored to your usage, and at the end of that one commercial you’re right back into your show at the end of the break.

They could track exactly how many people see the ad, and charge the advertiser at the equivalent per-viewer rate for all the other ads in that commercial break… that is, if the other 10 commercials paid a total of 10 cents just for your eyeballs to see their ads, this one advertiser would pay 10 cents for you to see just their ad.



They wouldn’t even have to tell tivo how long the break is, just insert markers at the start and stop of com breaks, and while tivo is playing your one ad it just seeks ahead for the ad stop. This would avoid any problems with timing at the local level, since shows are actually broadcast locally. (one of the channels on campus at penn state back in the day was an actual network feed for the local Fox affiliate… I think it was brought on campus for one of the classes or departments, to see how to edit and broadcast in the real world sort of thing, but all this channel did was play shows the day before they actually aired for the local channel to record for transmission the next day. The commercial breaks all had pauses a minute or two long of just blank screen, for the local to insert their own commercials.

We also got a raw comedy central feed on campus, which made for irritating commercials, too. All the breaks on com central (and, I’m guessing, other cable channels) are about half national and half local. The feed from CC fills the local half with ads for other cc shows, so if the local cable company doesn’t fill them in you end up with constant commercials for whatever new show the channel is trying to pump. At the time, it was strangers with candy, and I think one of the reasons I hated that show so much was that every half hour of comedy central including 4 minutes worth of the same 30 seconds of that show.

Well, that, and I don’t think it was a very good show any way.

Raging for the man

Apparently I'm on a rage in favor of the man. Earlier today I was defending ATM fees (which I don't enjoy at all, but can still justify from a market perspective) and now, I have a justification for the MPAA's apparently bizarre rating system rules. It's been well documented that sex will earn a much harder rating than violence, and this is something I've heard railed against on the grounds that it would be better for kids to see sex than violence, because sex is something they will experience in their life, but hopefully they can be protected from and then avoid the kind of violence found in R-rated movies.

It just hit me that that is the entire point: when it comes to movies, sex is real but violence is not. As gruesome as the alien leaping out of a man's chest or eating his head might be, or as bloody as Jason murdering a house full of kids with his chain saw, that just doesn't happen. Sure, it should be Restricted so that impressionable youngsters aren't freaked out by it, but as long as daddy is sitting there to reassure Susie that Jason won't climb in her window and dismember her while she sleeps, no real harm done. The more violence in a movie, no matter how graphic, the more fantastic and unbelievable the movie seems.

Sex, on the other hand, is different. The more sex a movie has, the more real it becomes. Two people meeting at a bar and going back to an apartment for a weekend of passionate, inventive loving is believable. Which makes it much more uncomfortable for parents. And in the end, as horrible and misguided and misconstrued as it might be, the current rating system is entirely for parents. They know that if they take their kid to that R rated movie, the kid might see lots of violently produced blood, and the kid might see lots of boobs, but the kid will not see anything other than face to face sex, with no indication that anything "kinky" is happening.

Because that would be awkward.

why i love penny arcade

I am not a gamer. I want it to be clear that, while I own a PS2 and have a WII readily available to me at all times, I am not a gamer. I play occasionally, and only with a few specific games. This past weekend, while visiting my young nephews, I was reminded of the joy of the WII, and actually played the Cars movie-based game for the first time. It was oodles of fun. And yes, I used the word oodles. They wanted to play NFS: Carbon, but i talked them out of it because it was a little too much for me, and I had visions of frustrated and upset 5 and 9 year olds, who just wanted to play and were bored to tears by the cut scenes and car selection nonsense.

What i'm getting at is that, while I'm not a gamer, I enjoy game-related culture. I can relate to these people, and so enjoy reading gamer-based webcomics like ctrl-alt-del and penny arcade. There are links to both on the right-hand side of this page, if you want to take a gander. I just wanted to specifically point out this page, a penny arcade news post, as a prime example of why I enjoy the strip so much. The style, the content, and the witty insights keep me coming back even more than the strip itself.

Enjoy!

Commitment (musical)

I recently had an opportunity for one incredible running gag against a friend of mine. I gave this up in return for the acquisition of what I consider one of the greatest albums I've ever been blessed to hear.

Some might say I was silly -- that I could get the album on my own, and forever have the ammunition for an incredible running gag. But those people have never heard "The Crane Wife" by The Decemberists.

And they are the silliest ones of all.

it's been a marathon

Wow... i've been posting quite a bit lately, and i like it. This will be short - i just want to point everyone to my new favorite website: thisisby.us. It's a site for writers; that is, anyone can post whatever writing they feel like posting, and wreak the benefits of profit. It's like the missing link in the classic underwear gnome business plan, if the plan went like this:
1) Write something
2) ???
3) Profit

where #2 is "Post the writing on thisisby.us." I'm completely hooked, and would encourage everyone to browse it regularly.

Also, watched a little crap movie over the weekend called The Smokers. Thora Birch is hot; that movie isn't.

Two more days

Sweet. Only two more days until the new Harry Potter book comes out. For better or worse, it will all be over.

HP is one of 4 very long series I've been reading for awhile, and it seems like they are all finally closing out. The first was Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. I started that when I was in 7th grade. When I was 13 years old, I picked up the first book because it looked like fun. At that point, the series was up to 6 books with no end in site. Now, 14 years later, it looks like the 11th and final book will hopefully be out by 2009, pending the author's health. The newest addition, George Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire, is up to three books right now with the author swearing he'll be done in 6, or maybe 7. The last one was Stephen King's Dark Tower, and that was a disappointment. The ending was awful, and really opened my eyes up to what I can expect with the others.

Like a crack addict, though, I can't stay away. I need to know what happens, what the Creator says will happen to these people I've known half my life. My hope, in the immediate future with Harry Potter and in a more ethereal distant future with the others, is that when I get to the end of this long-winded series with its cast of thousands and intricate mythology, is that no matter how she finishes it I'll be able to look back and say "There's no other way she could have ended it." As long as it makes sense, and doesn't abandon everything she's set up, it will restore the faith that was so shattered by The Dark Tower.

Harry Potter Spoiler Alert

For those of you have not yet read Half-Blood Prince, for whatever inexplicable reason, stop reading now.




Now, for the rest of you: Dumbledore is Dead. I just want to put my prediction out there, indelibly, ahead of whatever is to come. Dumbledore is dead, and Snape is still good.




That is all.

Politics, part une

I just have a quick note today. I was driving home from work this afternoon and was listening to Rush Limbaugh's substitute. Let me tell you - one of the few things worse than Rush and Sean Hannity are the people they get to fill in. Keep in mind, republicans frequently respond democratic claims that the "bush tax cuts" helped the wealthy more by accusing them of inciting class warfare. This guy today was deriding the decision by congress to include more funds for college loans. His position was that "all the studies say people with a college degree will make more money through out their lives, so why are we spending your hard-earned tax dollars to subsidize that?"

The answer, quite simply, is that we subsidize that so that people can become more skilled, more innovative, and prevent this country from turning into cambodia - "the place China goes to outsource."

Monkey Trivia

One time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class. I would just sit there with my mind a complete blank while the monkey scribbled on little pieces of paper. At the end of the week the teacher said, "Class, I want you to write a paper using your notes." So I wrote a paper that said "Hello, my name is Bingo. I like to climb on things. Can I have a banana? Eek eek." I got an F. When I told my Mom about it she said "I told you never trust a monkey!" The end.

Bonus point (and potentially a prize) if my loyal readership can name the source of this little nugget.

Sweet!

I write this from my newly minted shiny dell desktop with a 20" widescreen LCD and more power than i expect to actually need to at least 6 months.

It's pretty, DVD's (in this inaugural case it's Kitchen Confidential from Netflix - a criminally short-lived sitcom from a couple years ago starring Bradley Cooper (Jen Garner's doomed boyfriend from Alias), a grown-up John Daly (star of Freaks and Geeks), Nicholas Brendon (in the only thing I've seen him in post-Buffy), and some lovely ladies who's only other credit of note appears to be OC season 1. I've never seen them in anything else, but that's the only thing listed on Netflix that I suspect anyone else might have seen.) look almost hi-def, and stuff opens almost as fast as i can click. So far only web-surfing, but I'll have to start checking out games that can make proper use of the processor/ram/video card tasty goodness.

Out.

Busy month of May

I learned over the weekend that the former Lemoyne Borough Building has finally been leased and is now being used as a church. Given my feelings on churches in general, this prompted an immediate "not in my backyard" reaction, but then I realized I don't really have a say in the matter and, so far, they've been good neighbors.

Also had a long movie-watching weekend - Pirates 3 (liked it), Pan's Labyrinth (really liked it), RV (not as awful as I expected), Christmas with the Kranks (c'mon - i was bored and it was nice), Epic Movie (complete nothing - i think i laughed twice, and both scenes were in the trailer), The Machinist (you're forgiven for never hearing of this - it's a weird whodunit-spiral-into-madness story that almost killed christian bale in the making), The Fountain (good stuff), and Jesus: The Great Debate. This last one irritated me, and i was irritated at my own irritation, because I should have known. I should have known. The description was vague enough to suggest a certain level of intellectual honesty about the 'debate.' It wasn't until i actually had the disc and realized that it was hosted by a biblical scholar did I realize that objectivity was, in fact, going to be lacking. The whole point of movie was educating Christians who run into people like me on how to present us with scientific proof of the bible's accuracy. This makes me glad I watched it, because now i know what to expect. Netflix recommended it as a follow up to another, much more skeptical documentary i got recently. The problem is, now I can't remember what it was or find it in my rental history.

The Wrong Company

Well I fell into prison about a quarter till three
Where I found in my cell a glass waiting for me
So I filled what was empty and I pulled up a stool
But he stood in the corner, the old devil wouldn't move
He said, "You drink when you're lonely." No I drink when I want!
He said, "You'll never be sober." Sure. Why would I want that?
I only drink to be merry but unfortunately
I'm in the wrong prison cell and the wrong company

- Flogging Molly, Within a Mile of Home

On salience

One of my favorite phrases is "salient point." I was very excited this evening when i saw something that prompted a quick post, and after looking up "salience" on dictionary.com realized that was a good title (and more importantly, proper wording) for me.

The salient point is this: watching Jon Stewart tonight, he asked one of his reporters how to become a "loyal bushie." The reporter responded, "Well Jon, there are two ways: the first is to emerge from Barbara Bush's vagina; obviously, this is the road less traveled."

In my humble estimation, a joke that can meld Robert Frost with a vision of Barbara Bush, feet in stirrups and squeezing out a baby, is a salient point for any occasion.

new respect, and the re-visitation of old paradigms.

It's been a very long week. Puppy remains a completely exhausting joy to be around, although i'm genuinely afraid she's going to injure herself pulling on her collar. I've also had a chance to catch up on some netflix. Imagine my surprise when a movie that's been in my queue with a "long wait" for two months, and is still in my queue on a long wait, is available now for my mom. So I finally got my hands on the Protector, and I have to say, Tony Jaa is the successor to both Jet Li and Jackie Chan. Together. Yeah, he's that good. Aside from astonishing you with the possibilities of the human body, it's not a very good movie - as one review put it, "The touching story of a boy and his elephant." I think his character was supposed to be retarded, maybe like Rain Man - you know how dustin hoffman got for Wopner? Well, picture that, only focused on getting his elephant, and kicking lots and lots of ass to get there.

Also watched Cecil B. Demented, which was enjoyable. Maggie Gyllenhal is always enjoyable, and the sequel to Forrest Gump needs to be made. Complete with Kevin Nealan. I'm telling you, it's gold just waiting to be mined. We need to get on this.

Finally, I need to revisit an old post. A few weeks ago, I decided to finally list out my top 5 favorite movies. Now, I need to bump that up to six. And the excellent part is, following the alphabetical order used before, this one comes right at the top.

I saw Black Snake Moan last night, a.k.a. The touching story of a retired bluesman and the half-naked nympho white girl he keeps chained to his radiator. I'll need to see it again to be sure, but i'm going to go out on a limb and say that, for right now, that is my all time favorite movie. It was fantastic. Sam Jackson was as good as he's ever been, Christina Ricci was amazing, and (i can't believe i'm actually writing this next bit) it left me excited to see Justin Timberlake's next movie. Yeah, that good. I think that boy's going somewhere.

now the dog needs to tinkle, so i'm off to the tundra.

one more for a friday night

err, actually, two more... first, my favorite beer right now is Carlsberg, so i went looking for related videos on youtube and found this little commercial... normally i try to stick to google video, but they didn't have a decent copy so here it is.


second up, little note for life... when your wireless mouse starts to go all funky, try changing the batteries. it works wonders.

friday night followup

so yeah, the mail man's a pussy. I mean, i respect what they do and put up with and whatnot, but come on... there was nothing in his way, except possibly the remnants of "wet paint" signs that had been taken down last night and left out for the painters to take away today. so no movies for me.

happiness in multiple forms

Hooray for the freedom of information. My employer has unblocked blogspot, so now i'm back in business, such that it is.

Went to see Borat today over lunch. Very funny, I laughed until I cried and thought I was going to throw up because my stomach hurt that badly. Beyond that, I really can't talk about it.

And huge excitement... the halloween party i've been hearing about for 8 months is tomorrow night, so i'm off to wilkes-barre. Fun times, and i'll be back on sunday to talk all about it.

side note - hopefully the mail man braved our front porch today and i'll have netflix to watch. the saying is "not rain nor sleet nor freezing rain" but strangely enough says nothing about wet paint on a front porch.

sadness and humor

sad part... my employer has blocked blogspot, cutting my readership in half.

humor part... going to see Borat today. :)

Wednesday Morning Quickie

two quick bits... a link that was shared with me last night made me literally laugh out loud, and I wanted to share.

Also... My Chemical Romance... I saw them on SNL this past week shilling for their new album, and decided I kind of enjoyed the first single.


And I just learned that the embed link for google video is much simpler than youtube's. not that, you know, anyone cares.

A Halloween Dichotomy

The act of writing here helps me remember little odds'n'ends to talk about later... the problem is, i talk to everyone who reads this on a daily basis. This leads to me seeming like a super-perv when I start telling someone about how much i enjoyed Marie Antionette and they're all "yeah, i already read about that." ah well... i'll have to carry on, stiff upper lip and all that. but tell your friends. i want 5 hits tomorrow. c'mon people! you can do it! tell just one person, and i'll double my hits. :)

ooohh... and I think I might start trying Mobile Blogging - let me text message random thoughts straight from my phone to your brain. good for me, maybe not quite so good for you.

Random thought the first: I really hate kerry. I never liked him as anything more than a literate policy-wonk alternative to Bush, the boy who thinks he's God's chosen one, and now the bastard is going to lose us another election. I know what he meant to say, but dammit, it's not what you said and you need to apologize.. three minutes of you explaining yourself does not make for a soundbite... 10 seconds of "i'm sorry, that's not what i mean" does.

not sure what i'm going to wear this weekend... i haven't put on a costume since i was 13, and i'm not sure how to start now.

finally, although I still can't remember the exact line (although it was something about why republicans are wrong), here's a link to the previously-mentioned Lewis Black special. I'm not embedding it, because it's an hour long video and would send your internet connection crazy for no good reason, but one click and you have loads of entertainment courtesy of Google Video.

Lewis Black: Red, White, and Screwed

Enjoy!